INTERVIEW WITH SHELLY, MOM OF TWO YOUNG CHILDREN

I am here with Shelly, mom of two young children, ages 5 and 2.  We talked about day to day life...

Shelly: I'm Shelly, mom of 2 very energetickids, Sarah 5 and Ben 2. I am also a wife and friend, love spending time outdoors with my family and traveling with them.


Nechama:  Energetic kids and outdoors are a great mix! What are some of your favorite outdoor activities with your kids?
Shelly: nature walks... I like taking them to open, natural spaces where they can run around, explore, and stomp in the water.  We love hiking together, exploring beach, anywhere where they can be free to experience nature, feel the sun on their face, and play in the dirt.  They have lived in urban areas, in town homes most of their lives, which has served our family well.  But I think it has made it even more important to make sure we have time to be outside.


Nechama:  What a nurturing way to spend time!  Do you find that it also supports the whole family bonding process?
Shelly: I do. My husband really enjoys being outside as well and so it is a way for the whole family to spend time together in a relaxed atmosphere without any expectations or agenda to adhere to.I think it is a particularly good way for my husband to bond with the kids and the joy and happiness we all feel is contagious. I love seeing their faces light up when they discover something.

Nechama: Sounds so joyful!  What happens on rainy days?  Does that stop you?
Shelly: Not necessarily.  We lived in London for a couple years so we had to adapt to being out in the wet weather.  My kids, of course, love to play in the rain.  When it's too uncomfortable to be outside though, we can always find something to do.

Nechama:  I think it's so powerful that you have that nature and family time so built in to your life.  So many families might wish they could, but just feel too harried to make it happen.  Do you feel like your family is special?

Shelly: i don't think that our family is special.  There are times when I do feel like I get bogged down in the day to day and let the outdoor time slip away.  But I can usually tell from my daughter's behavior that she is needing that connection to nature.   So I try to be really mindful of making sure we have outdoor time built into plans.  Both my kids seem to thrive outdoors.  My daughter, in particular, has always been like that from a young age.

 As she gets older, it is getting a bit more challenging to insure that we have downtime outside because she is also extremely social and loves being with her friends.  So I am always trying to plan playdates that involve being outdoors.
Nechama:  Yes. What is your daughter's favorite way to spend her down time?

Shelly:  She has to be connected to someone, so her idea of downtime and mine are very different. she loves to draw and do art projects as long as there is someone near by she can talk to or at least check in with.  Now that she is a bit older, she is starting to want to spend a little time on her own, writing in her journals and playing with her accessories.  She also really enjoys hanging out on our patio collecting flowers and leaves, and making special mixtures with them.
Nechama:  Sounds lovely!   What is your idea of down time, and is it the same for you now as when you were her age?

Shelly: I guess downtime for me can mean 2 every different things. I love to curl up with a good book and glass of wine or cup of tea, enjoy the quiet and escape into the story. The other way I like to unwind is spending time with friends talking and relaxing when I can truly let my guard down because the kids aren't around and I am not on mom duty.

I think to a large extent, it is how I was as a child too. I was the oldest of four children and very social myself too.  There was always a lot going on at my house, and I liked the activity of having people around. But I could definitely hit my limit and would enjoy reading by myself when i needed some time alone.



It's interesting because i can see a lot of myself in Sarah, but also a lot of my sister too.  And my sister and I are very different so it's strange to see some traits in my daughter that are so similar to me, and some that are so different from me.

Nechama: Sure.  Has it been a process for you to click in to your daughter's style, or has it just happened without much thought?

Shelly: it has been a process. she is much more sensitive than me which is challenging.   My husband is actually much more tuned into her style and needs, and often can recognize when she needs some one on one time with me or when she needs to be outdoors before i do.

Nechama: That's great that your husband has that connection with her! So are there any particular "aha" moments connected to this journey you've had with her, that you'd like to share?

Shelly: Oh my gosh, I have learned so much from her and this journey. She has challenged the way I thought about everything, right from the start. Before she was born, like many people, I had an idea in my head of what motherhood would be like and what my parenting style would be.   And then she came along and showed me that she was not here to fit into my preconceived ideas.  And, if we were going to have any hope of enjoying this journey and building a real connection that i was going to have to open up my mind.

I have always considered myself to be an open-minded person.  But never thought about how that applies to parenting. I've learned that I need to be open to anything and to never say never. I could have never dreamed that I would nurse my kids until they were 2.5 yrs, or sleep with them at night or stay home with them.

My daughter has also shown me the value in seeing her as a person in her own right, someone who should be valued and cherished for who she is right now, not who she might become.

Starting out on this journey I was concerned about whether she would become a successful, responsible adult.  And while I hope that she is someday, I am really not as concerned about that now. I am more concerned with supporting her right now, fostering her natural curiosity about the world, and offering her the tools she needs to develop those skills. and if I am successful in making her feel loved and supported that she will be able to find her own happiness.

Nechama: Thank you for that beautiful perspective.

Shelly: She has also reinforced for me that kids and people have different needs and that it's ok. She has helped me see that there are an infinite number of roads to take on the path to happiness.
Nechama: Absolutely. Thank you for sharing that wisdom.

Shelly: You're welcome.  This was fun...

Nechama:  I enjoyed it too.  Thank you again, and have a wonderful, connected day!